The Adventures of the Ingenious Alfanhui (Dedalus Europe 2000) by Rafael S. Ferlosio;Rafael Sanchez Ferlosio

Author:Rafael S. Ferlosio;Rafael Sanchez Ferlosio [Ferlosio, Rafael S. Ferlosio;Rafael Sanchez]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2010-11-25T14:27:00+00:00

TERESA'S BOARDING HOUSE FOR RESIDENTIAL GUESTS

In the middle of the house was the main room, with a square table covered by a brown velvet cloth embossed with drawings of plants. Right in the middle of the table, as if they were the most important thing in the house, were the oil and vinegar bottles in the cruet stand. They were of the kind that resemble two retorts, joined at the base by two large glass drops. The one on the right pointed left and the one on the left pointed right. Don Zana always got confused and poured out oil when he wanted vinegar, and he was always angrier when he got vinegar instead of oil than when he got oil instead of vinegar. He used to swear that they were the wrong way round, that he was used to the oil being on the right and the vinegar on the left, or viceversa, depending from which angle one looked at it. On some days Don Zana would say one thing and on other days another, and the landlady would usually respond with:

`Espadrilles don't have a left and a right, you know, they can be worn on either foot.'

In this room there was also a glass-fronted sideboard in which were kept the glasses and the crockery. Since it had one pane broken, however, no one ever opened the doors, they merely took everything out through the empty pane. There was also a low, bell-shaped lamp with a fringe of red threads and another fringe of slender glass tubes that were always dancing and swaying and which produced a kind of pastoral music because they sounded just like the tinkling bells on a flock of sheep. The shadows swung back and forth on the wall as if the whole room were rocking. On the sideboard was a tin bearing a reproduction of Velazquez's The Topers; it had once contained quince jelly, but was now used for buttons. It often gave strangers to the house a real fright because, shortly after closing the tin, there would be a sudden bang as the dent in the lid released itself and the lid returned to its original shape.

Other rooms worthy of mention were the bathroom and the maid's room. The latter was situated on the corner of the right angle. The maid was a tall, thin woman of about forty, who always wore curlers in her hair, except on Sundays when she went out. She had very thin hair and used to get up at midnight, in her nightdress and carrying a candleholder, in order to look at herself in the mirror. And since what she saw was unremittingly ugly, she would reach out and scratch the mirror. Then she would go back to bed and fall asleep with a beatific smile on her lips. Her name was Silvestra, and everyone called her Silve because, in Madrid, they never used words of more than two syllables.

The bathroom was a vegetable patch. The bath was filled almost to the top with soil, and in it grew three cabbages.

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